To my beautiful daughter

Het is denk ik passend om mijn blog te beginnen met het artikel dat ik op verzoek van de leidster van een online gendergroep heb geschreven. Het ging om een internationale site en daarom is het in het Engels. Er stond een noodkreet op van een transseksueel die een zeer emotionele afkeurende brief van haar moeder had ontvangen. Om te laten weten dat er ook ouders zijn die er wel mee om leren gaan heb ik het volgende als reactie geschreven.

When you where about five years old you kept asking me:” I am a boy, ain’t I mommy, I am a boy, ain’t I “.
I didn’t think much of it. But I still remember you asking me over and over again.I keep asking myself should I have paid more attention, could I have known? Could I have spared you the pain and suffering you experienced until you couldn’t stand it anymore when you where sixteen.

You where in so much pain by then you became psychotic. I think one of the hardest things you ever did was telling me you are a girl. You still remember the shock I was in. I explained to you why I was in shock. I could only see the difficult path ahead of us. It took me a while to realize that it was your path to go, not mine. When I realized that it wasn’t about me I could take a step back and help you. I didn’t have a clue on GID so I took you to people who did know and put my trust in them. You didn’t trust them at all. But you did trust me. So you struggled through three years of sessions with a psychologist to convince them you are a girl. About half way through these sessions I bullied my coworkers into slapping me when I said he. So I wouldn’t call you he or him but the her you are. The only time I get confused is when I tell someone about when you where young. Then I go into he’s and she’s and get my audience totally confused. Sometimes I give them an explanation and sometimes I do not 😉

And then one day you stepped out of your fear and misery. A scholar at the bus-stop told you :” You must be gay”. You laughed at him and told him:” You must be a scholar”. It was a turning point. You started trusting the psychologist and the psychiatrist more and then you turned 20 and finally got the much desired hormone suppressers. They wanted to know how you would react on them. Well, just great and after a year of hormone suppressers and living your life as the girl you are, you are going to visit the endocrinologist today for your first hormone prescription. I ask you if you are exited. You say :” Nah, I feel like I am entitled to it”. Yes my dear you sure as hell are. You laugh at me for being more emotional about this then you are.

Ok, it wasn’t a walk in the park but surely wasn’t the difficult path I imagined when you told me. I learned a lot, I met the most amazing people and we had a lot of fun. And you, you turned out to be yourself